Unless it Was For a Reason
by tony-starks-nipples
Summary: When Fury tells the Avengers that they are no longer needed, Tony feels hopeless. He falls into a self destructive pattern, and Steve is the only one who notices. The two realize that, while they are always at each others' throats, they know nothing about each other. Stony with traces of Clintasha. Serious story, a lot of funny moments.
1. Disassemble

"Let's make this quick, I have better things I could be doing."

"Stark... I'm surprised you even bothered to show up."

"I'm a man of mystery, Agent Romanoff."

"What on earth would you be doing if you weren't here?"

"I do have other friends outside of the super bunch, you know."

"Do you?"

Clint, who had been spinning around in his chair, put his hand on Natasha's shoulder. "That's enough, Nat. We're not ones to talk. We don't have any friends outside of the super bunch."

"Friends are a distraction."

"Then what are we?"

"Don't act all offended Stark, you're the one who doesn't want to be here."

"Are you implying that you want to be here?" Tony shot back.

"What'd I miss?" Bruce asked, walking into the room with his head down. He made his way to a chair around the big table without making eye contact with anyone.

"Nothing out of the ordinary. Tony and Natasha are arguing over nothing and Fury is late," Clint explained. "The only thing out of the ordinary is that Steve... isn't here."

For the first time since arriving, Tony took a head count, confirming that Steve was not in the room. "Nope, only four. Where's the big dude?"

"Thor will not be in attendance today. That doesn't particularly matter because this information does not pertain to him." All heads turned to Nick Fury. No one had noticed he had arrived. "However, the absence of Captain Rogers does come as a bit of a shock."

As if on cue, Steve came running into the room. He seemed uncharacteristically out of breath. "Sorry I'm late, director." There was an awkward silence as Steve made his way to his seat. Everyone besides Bruce watched his walk of shame.

"Anyway, what do you need to tell this that doesn't require Rapunzel," Tony asked, kicking his feet up onto the chair next to him.

"Rapunzel? That's the best you could come up with?" Natasha asked.

"I told you, I'm off my game today. I have better things-"

Steve cut off Tony's rant. "Can we please not argue right now? We are in a meeting."

"Which you elected to show up late to."

"I have valid reasons-"

"That I'm sure we'd love to hear at a later date," Fury interrupted. "I'd like to make this quick, seeing as you are all hell-bent on ripping each other's throats out." Fury paused, anticipating several sarcastic remarks and a pointless argument, but none came. "The Avengers Initiative is being shut down."

"Again," Tony remarked.

"Again," Fury added.

"But why?" Tony asked.

"I thought you had better things you could be doing?"

"Oh, I do. I just thought that the we were kind of a big deal. I mean, I always have been, and I'll still be when this fun is over, but I figured that we were an important image for the people or some other BS."

"You have served your purpose. Whatever you chose to do from here on out is up to you. S.H.I.E.L.D will continue to keep it's eyes on you, but you are no longer considered a priority."

"So to sum it up, you brought us here to tell us you didn't want us any more. Okay, glad to I wasted my day on you. I'll be leaving now." Tony stood and left. "Bruce, follow me. Let's walk and talk."

"I, uh... director Fury...?"

"Yes, you may be dismissed Bruce. In fact, all of you are free to leave."

Tony and Bruce were long gone when Clint and Natasha left together, leaving Steve alone at the table.

**Literally nothing happens in this chapter. It is all exposition. I don't like that, but whatever. I love writing banter. My fave. Anyway, comment if you want. Keep your eye out for new chapters.**


	2. One Last Drive

"I'm glad you wanted to talk, Tony. I have something to tell you," Bruce said.

"That's the point of a walk and talk. I have something to tell you, too. You first."

"I'm going back to Calcutta. It doesn't have anything to do with... you know. I just feel like I was doing something worthwhile there, and I'm not here. The only reason I was sticking around was in case Fury needed me, but now that he doesn't..." Bruce wrung his hands around each other. He refused to meet Tony's eyes. "What did you want to tell me?"

"Well, it's kind of null and void now. So... Calcutta. Have fun. Maybe I'll stop by and pay you a visit some time." Then, after a pause. "If that's okay, of course. Don't want to interrupt your worthwhile work with my reckless abandon."

Finally, Bruce looked up. "Tony, you don't have to pretend that you're not upset-"

"I'm not upset. What have I been saying all day? I have other friends besides you all."

"Tony, you're obviously upset."

Tony had shoved his hands into his pockets, so that Bruce couldn't see that he was digging his fingernails into his leg. Of course he was upset; Bruce was one of his only real friends in the world. But this is what Bruce wanted, and who was Tony to stop him? "I'm not upset." He didn't even blink.

Bruce realized this was an argument that he wasn't going to win, so he just shrugged his shoulders. It was understood that the point was dropped. The two continued walking until they were squinting in the bright midday sunlight. Tony seemed to pull sunglasses out of the air, and Bruce continued to walk around, nearly blinded. Tony got into his car, started the engine, and rolled down the window. "Wanna go for one last ride before you leave?"

Bruce nodded and got into the passenger seat. Bruce wouldn't admit it to Tony, but he was sad to be leaving. It was his decision, and if he broke down and let on that he was going to miss the other man and his friendship, then Tony would figure out some way to guilt him into staying.

As they drove around, they made polite small talk with each other, unable to talk passionately about any of the normal stuff. They wouldn't be working together any more, so there was no need to bring science and inventions and world changing ideas, and there wouldn't be any more missions, so they couldn't talk about what new catastrophe they'd face. Eventually they just gave up on trying, and drove in silence.

**Authors note:**

**Again, short and sweet. Next chapter we get into more meaty-ness. And then... yeah.** **I like to do short chapters that just encase one scene, or one string of events (like a chain reaction type of deal). That way I don't throw too much information out there, because then readers (at least I do) miss important slabs or lines or whatever. Anyway, chapter three soon (hopefully).**


	3. We're Fine Really

"How as your day?" Pepper asked as Tony pushed opened the door. Had she been standing there waiting for him?

"Whatever."

"What did Fury want?"

"Superhero's only. Information you don't need."

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing's wrong with me! Why does everyone keep asking me if there's something wrong with me today? I don't fucking understand why everyone is so hell bent on figuring out what is wrong with me, even though there is nothing!" Tony shouted. Pepper took a step back. Tony turned away from her and kept walking. "I'll be somewhere." And by somewhere it was understood that he would be in the workshop.

He and Pepper had broken up weeks ago, but they still remained friends. They had been such a huge part of each others' lives for so many years. Since Pepper had sold her apartment, Tony offered her to continue living with him. She insisted it was just temporary, but she hadn't so much as looked at what was available. Both knew she wasn't going to leave, but that was fine because neither wanted her to leave.

Tony slammed down in the chair in front of his computers. He put his head in his hand and rubbed his eyes so hard he started to see little spots dancing around the room. "Welcome home, sir," JARVIS greeted.

"Mute," Tony demanded. He didn't want to listen to his AI, especially since he would probably try and console him. Tony didn't need consoling. He was fine. He was more than fine. He didn't have to worry about Fury and he didn't have the distraction of Bruce when he was working and he didn't have to put up with Steve any more.

Tony's mind jumped to Steve. Why had he shown up late to the meeting?

-l-

Steve wandered around the newly rebuilt S.H.I.L.D. headquarters. He thought back to that morning. He knew he had to go to the meeting, but he also knew that he hadn't wanted to see Tony.

Tony used to get under Steve's skin. The things he said. His cocky attitude. But as time went on, Steve started to realize that he wasn't irritated anymore. Instead, he found the other man's behavior endearing. That's not to say that there weren't times when he wanted to punch him in the face, he did, but at the same time he just wanted to...

Steve couldn't handle the idea of finding another man attractive. It was so wrong. Against everything he was taught to believe. It was disgusting. Yes. That's the word. The idea of it disgusted him. But then he thought of Tony and the word didn't fit him. Tony wasn't disgusting. Tony was just Tony.

The more he thought about Tony, the more nervous he got. He was walking in circles. He was sweating. He knew he shouldn't have gone to the meeting. He knew that seeing Tony would do this to him. It always did. He tried to swallow the lump that was growing in his throat as he choked down tears.

"What's wrong with me," he asked, pulling at his shirt, as if it was suffocating him.

"I was about to ask the same thing."

Steve turned around. "Agent Romanoff..."

"I'm not supposed to care, because that's not really my style, but I feel that if something is bothering you this much, it could come in the way of what you do."

"You don't want to hear about my problems."

"You thought I wanted to listen? No. I was just saying that you need to figure out whatever is wrong with you, because it could mess you up. You can't let emotion get into these things."

"Like you and Agent Barton?"

Natasha walked up to Steve and wrapped her hand around his throat. Steve could have broken her grip easily enough, but something about the look in her eyes told him that it wasn't a good idea. She was crushing his windpipe as she spat "Don't you ever..."

And then, without explanation, she let him go and left. She didn't run away, but she didn't look back. It was as if nothing had happened at all.

Steve rubbed his throat. The pain had already gone away, but he could still feel her hand there.

The lump was still there from holding back tears, because the serum only protected him against physical pain. When it came to emotion, he was on his own.

**Author's note:**

**This was supposed to be up last night. A thousand apologies. I'm getting so into this story. Watched ****_The Avengers_**** today. So inspired. SO much Stony eye sex.**

**Is it possible that I also ship Pepperony?**

**Eh, whatever. Next chapter probably Sunday night or Monday because I'm going home and I don't have the internets there at the moment.**


	4. Never Been Better

"What are you doing here?" Tony asked through his door. Steve was standing on the other side. He had rung the doorbell, but was too polite to come in without Tony physically opening the door for him.

"I just thought I'd say hello."

Now Tony opened the door. "Hello? You came all the way over here to say _hello_?" Now that the door was open, Steve walked in and looked around.

"I see that you've rebuilt the place. It looks nice."

Yes, they Malibu beach side mansion had been rebuilt. Tony had done most of the work himself. Instead of making suits, he made a house. "It's almost exactly the same, but I left out the sex dungeon." Steve turned around, a look of terror on his face. Tony continued, "Yeah, since I was in a committed relationship with Pepper at the time, and I figured we'd get married a some point, I figured we could do without."

"Stark..."

"It's a joke. There was never a sex dungeon." Tony made his way into the living room. "But I guess I am kind of the sex dungeon type."

Steve cleared his throat. "Moving on."

Tony sat on the couch and kicked his feet up on the coffee table. "So why are you here?"

"Hmm, what?" Steve had been looking around at the immaculate house, not listening to Tony. "Oh yes. Thank you."

Tony raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"I'm fine."

"What are you talking about?"

"Never mind." Steve went to lean against wall, but missed. He didn't fall, but he did grab at air while trying to steady himself. Tony looked bored, but inside he was laughing. He couldn't let Steve know that he thought he was funny. He was supposed to hate Steve.

"If you're not going to tell me why you are here, I'm going to ask you to leave."

"What would you be doing if I wasn't here?"

"I have things I could be doing."

Steve was really starting to get worried. "What's wrong with you Stark? First you were complaining about the meeting, but then you were upset when Fury said he didn't need us anymore. You said that you have other friends you could be hanging out with, but here you are alone. And now you're saying that you have other things to be doing, but it seems that you were just lounging around your house, doing nothing."

Tony absentmindedly scratched at the skin where the arc reactor used to be. It had months since he had it, as well as the shrapnel it was keeping at bay, removed. After much stretching, stitches, and scar tissue, the skin had almost completely filled and grown over the giant hole that used to be in his chest. But, like all knew scars, it itched like hell.

"Stark, did you even hear me?"

"Hmm?" Tony looked up. "Oh yes, I heard you, but your accusations seemed too stupid to merit a response." He scratched harder. The skin was starting to feel raw, but it still itched.

"What are you doing?" Steve asked as Tony clawed at his chest.

"It itches."

"What itches?"

Tony stuck his thumbs under the hem of his shirt and pulled them up. Steve raised his eyebrows, his eyes locked on scar. His gaze slowly made it's way up to Tony's eyes. "What is that?"

"A grotesque amount of scar tissue that itches like a mother fucker." He let the shirt fall back into place.

"Well, it doesn't look good..."

"Neither did the glowing metal thing that used to be there."

"No, I mean it looks infected."

"Does it?" Tony lifted up his shirt again and looked down. It did, in fact, have a greenish-purple ring around it. "So it is." He dropped the shirt. "Oh well." He went back to scratching it.

"Tony..." Steve asked.

"Yeah?" Tony turned to look at Steve. Their eyes locked in on each other.

"Are you okay?

After a long pause, Tony finally broke the shared gaze and looked past Steve. "Never been better," he whispered.

**Authors Note:**

***makes farting sound with mouth* This was supposed to be up Monday. But when I read what I had done over the weekend, it was so bad that I felt the need to re-write it. So I did. Awesome sauce.**

**Please send me your reviews or comments. When I'm writing, I do take my reader's responses into account. I won't change the whole story, but if you think something should change, or I should add something, I may listen to you. Because, I want you all to be pleased and engaged in what you are reading.**

**Awesome. Thanks for the great chat. Chapter 5 eventually.**


	5. How Bad Is It?

Tony walked Steve out the door. "How'd you get here?"

"I ran."

"Why?"

"I don't have a car?" It came out sounding like a question. "Besides. I like to run."

"Whatever. See you whenever." Steve walked out of the door and started off jogging, before breaking into a full run. When he was far enough away to make it clear he wasn't coming back, Tony went into his workshop. "J?"

"Yes, sir?"

"How bad is it?" Tony lifted up his shirt and let his AI take a scan of the scar. After what felt like hours, Tony prompted "J?"

"Well, sir..."

~O~

Steve's apartment was as plain as the day SHIELD had given it to him. When he told the agency that he did not want to live in New York anymore, they reluctantly moved him to Malibu. It was the location of the third largest SHIELD agency, led only by New York and their secret base that only agents with the highest clearance knew of.

The bed, which had plain white sheets and a tan comforter, was always made, folded with precision hospital corners. Steve usually slept on top of the covers. That is, when he slept. He was constantly plagued with nightmares and flashbacks.

He was so confused. It was comical to some people, especially Tony, but if he was being honest with himself, he was scared. It wasn't the world that scared him; it was finding his place in it. How was he supposed to live in a world where he knew nothing? Yesterday he tried to order coffee, but the options on the menu scared him into just ordering it black. The taste repulsed him, but he was too embarrassed to ask what the other drinks were. If the girl in front of him, who couldn't take her eyes off of tiny white box in her hands that she kept poking with her thumbs, knew what she wanted, he should, too.

He took off his coat and hung it on the rack by the front door. He rubbed his shoes on the mat so as not to track dirt into the house. He walked to the couch and sat down gently. When he looked out the window he was able to see a small park. As he looked at it now, there were three girls sitting in a circle. Steve recognized what they were holding as iPhones. They were... what was the word... texting? Yes, the three girls were sitting in a circle together, texting other people. One girl leaned over to show another what someone had sent her. The second girl laughed, and then looked back to her phone. Steve couldn't comprehend how the technology worked, but he did understand that it was invented to bring people together, not detach them from the world as he saw in that moment.

Disgusted, he closed the shades and stared at the wall, lost in thought.

~O~

"So you're telling me it's not just infected?"

"No sir, it seems as if your body is rejecting the scar tissue and new skin. It is literally dissolving from the inside out. That is why it has been itching and burning. If Mr. Rogers hadn't noticed, you could have potentially ended up with another hole in the middle of your chest."

"Perfect," Tony murmured. "So what do I have to do? Eat my vegetables? Drink milk for strong bones and teeth?"

"I wouldn't joke about this, sir. I recommend you go to a hospital as soon as possible."

Tony groaned. He hated hospitals. "I'll figure something out on my own."

"Need I remind you, sir, that it was your constant need to inject metal and other forms of technology into your body that got you to this point in the first place. I advise you just go to the hospital."

"Are you sassing me?"

"No sir, I'm just saying you should have read the safety information I prepared for you."

**Author's Note:**

**dun dun duuuuuuuuuuuun.**

**Please review. I'm a review whore. I JUST FUCKING LOVE REVIEWS. so plz leave them because i do love reading them and i always respond :)**


	6. Two Bottles of Wine

Bored, Tony decided to go on an adventure. Pepper had taken the jet to New York for some kind of board meeting. She had left soon after they argued and Tony figured he could get there before she went to sleep. When he got to New York and started taking off the suit as he walked into the tower, he saw Pepper sitting on the couch, a glass of red wine in her hand. He smiled. He still loved her, he just wasn't _in love_ with her.

"Hey Pep," Tony greeted. She jumped, obviously startled. Tony smirked. He couldn't blame her, really. He had shown up randomly and announced himself. "What's up?"

Regaining her composure, she answered, "Nothing much, just relaxing before the meeting tomorrow."

"Ah, yes. Mind if I join you?"

"No, not at all."

Tony grabbed the bottle of wine and a glass. As a second thought, he grabbed a second bottle. He walked toward the couch. When she saw the two bottles, Pepper looked at Tony sadly. His drinking had been one of the things that had driven her end of the relationship. She never told him, but she was constantly worried about his drinking problem.

He sat next to her and poured himself a glass. "Wanna refill?" he asked, gesturing to her glass. She nodded and held her glass out to him. Maybe she wouldn't think about it as much if she was a little tipsy herself. She brought the glass to her lips and took a sip. Tony couldn't take his eyes off of her. She smiled.

"What?" She asked.

"Nothing." Then, after a moment, "I was just taken aback at how beautiful you are."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me," he said. He leaned back and finally took a sip. She had almost finished her second glass. She reached for the bottle and poured herself another glass. "Woah there. Slow down."

"This is my last one."

~O~

It was not her last one. Tony had never seen her drink more than a few glasses of wine with dinner. He couldn't believe what he was seeing.

"What happened, Tony?"

"You're gonna need to be a little more specific."

"What happened to us?"

"Oh, um... I don't know. I think we were better at being friends, you know? We spent so much time together that I think we mistook our feelings of closeness for love."

She thought it over for a second. "What if I actually loved you?"

"I don't know. What if?" he shrugged. He went to refill his glass, but the first bottle was empty. He put it back on the table and opened the second, pouring the red-purple liquid in his glass. As he was watching his glass fill up, Pepper pressed her lips against his. His eyes fell closed as she deepened the kiss.

He pulled away long enough to return his glass and the bottle to the table in front of them, then turned back to her. He looked into her eyes and something snapped. He dove towards her, burring his hand in her hair. There was no hesitation and certainly no holding back. She was smiling as he nipped at her bottom lip. He started to trail a line of kisses down her neck to chest. When he got to the collar of her shirt, she lifted up her arms without thinking and let him lift the shirt over her head.

"Mmm," he hummed against her skin as he continued to trail kisses down her body. "I like this," he commented, referring to her black, lace bra. "Were you planning on my coming out here?"

She giggled, "I can't look good just for me?" she asked. He reached her belt and sat up, looking her in the eyes.

"Of course you can." He pressed his lips to hers as he reached behind her back and unclasped her bra. She threw it to the side carelessly. He ran his hands up and down her back and she shivered beneath his touch. "What's wrong?" he asked.

"Your hands are cold."

"I'm sorry."

"No. They're always cold. I missed it." She smiled and once again kissed him. "We're not getting back together, right?"

"Nope."

"Good."

~O~

The next morning Pepper woke up. Her head hurt, the sun burned her eyes, and she came to the terrifying realization that she was not wearing any clothes. She looked over to Tony. She hadn't noticed before, but his arm was around her. At some point, he had a put a shirt back on. That wasn't very Tony like, but that was the least of her problems. She was sure he was still asleep, but as she went to get up, he tightened his grip on her and pulled her back to him.

"Don't go," he mumbled. "You're warm."

"We're still not getting back together, right?"

"Nope," he said, a smile playing across his lips.

"Good." She snuggled up to him and rested her head on his chest. Her hair was probably a disaster and Tony had already fallen back asleep and she was missing her board meeting, but as she drifted off to sleep, she couldn't bring herself to care.

**Author's Note:**

**Yes, this story is still Stony. I swear. It's all part of my plan *grins evilly*.**

**I don't have much to say about this. In fact, I don't have anything to say about this.**

**REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW!**


	7. Why Tony Doesn't Eat in Restaurants

Pepper woke up a second time, only to realize that Tony was no longer with her. She felt hurt, but mentally slapped herself for it. She didn't want to get back together with Tony. Wasn't that the mantra of the night before? And really, should she have expected anything else? She had escorted enough women out of his bed over the years to know that he wasn't one to wake up with his one-night stands.

Pepper cringed. She was just another in the string of hundreds, possibly thousands, of Tony's one night stands.

She grabbed the sheet and left the bed. She didn't feel like getting dressed. She was too distraught and in-hate with herself at that moment. However, when she got to the kitchen, she realized that maybe she had been too quick to jump to conclusions.

"Remember that time when I was dying and I tried to make you an omelet? Well, since that debacle, I've been practicing and I have succeeded. So, if you don't mind, we will sit and eat them together."

Pepper could only nod. They didn't go into the dining room to sit at the table, instead they ate at the counter. Pepper was glad that Tony insisted they buy stools. She always said it was classless to eat at the counter. At that moment, it just felt... right.

"So..."

"Why are you wearing clothes?" she asked.

"What?" Tony asked, clearly not expecting that question. His hand reached to where the arc used to be, as if somehow she knew about the scar. He had been careful the night before that she hadn't gotten any kind of prolonged look at the scar. He'd slept with enough women to know how to shift the sheets to his advantage. Plus, she was drunk off her ass, so there was that.

"It's just that... in the past... whenever we'd... you'd never get dressed. You'd walk around in your boxers, or more often, naked for at least a few hours before you finally decided to put on some clothes. Last night you slept in a shirt."

Tony's face didn't waver. He had enough practice keeping his face neutral. "I like this shirt."

"It's a black t-shirt, Tony," Pepper rebutted. "You have ten others like it."

"This one makes me look good."

"Tony..." she drifted. She put her hand on his. She realized that he did not have an omelet in front of him. "What aren't you telling me?"

"I gotta go," he said. "I just remembered that I have something back in Malibu tonight that I really have to attend. I don't want to but, you know how it is. Welcome to my life. Don't you have a board meeting?"

"I missed that. It was hours ago."

"Oh, well... we can't be too conspicuous, both of us missing things that we have to do. After all, we told the press we broke up weeks ago. You don't want to be labeled as another one of my one-night stands. There are enough of those running around."

Pepper would be lying if she said she wasn't hurt. But she didn't have a chance to say anything. Tony was already in the suit and getting ready to fly off. "Goodbye," she said, half heartedly. Tony walked back to her and opened the faceplate. He kissed her softly on the lips.

"I'll always love you, Pepper. Just not in that way." And then he was gone

* * *

"Where were you?" Steve demanded. He was standing outside the Malibu mansion. The doors were, of course, locked. How long had he been there?

"Out."

"Out?"

"Why do you even care?" Tony spat. He entered the house and walked into the kitchen. He opened the refrigerator but, since he couldn't cook and there was nothing but ingredients, he slammed the door and went back to wandering in circles. "If you must know, I was in New York. Doing... things."

"And by things do you mean Pepper?" Steve snapped. He really should have shut up. Tony's personal life was none of his business. Tony spun around. The look was enough to level Steve. He wasn't wrong, he knew that now, but it had obviously a sore subject.

"Don't you _ever_ talk to me about Pepper," Tony snapped. "Or I will _end you_."

Steve didn't doubt it. Even though Tony was smaller and Steve had the super-soldier serum, he knew what Tony could do, even without the suit. "I was... I didn't... I was being sarcastic. I didn't actually think..."

"Well now you know." Then, after a moment, "Why are you in my house?"

"I... don't know. I was worried about you?"

Tony raised an eyebrow. "I'm a big boy, Steve. I can handle being home alone for a few days. I don't think the bad guys are gonna come, but if they do, I've seen the movie. I know what to do."

"I don't understa-"

"Riiiight. You missed the 90's. It's a funny movie. You should check it out."

Steve's mind went blank. Did Tony just say that to him? Did he make a comment that wasn't rude or sarcastic? Was he actually suggesting Steve see a movie? He was really confused. "Are there any other movies I should see."

Tony blinked. "Yeah. There's one or two that came out while you were hibernating." He scratched the back of his neck. "Some day... maybe I could show you one?" It came out as a question.

"I'd love that," Steve said, almost breathless. Was this happening? Even if it wasn't, he was more than happy to keep dreaming.

Tony's expression went back to its usual unreadable mask. "Mmm, yeah. But not today. I've got stuff I have to do. So... see you around Cap." Tony turned to retreat to his workshop. Why had he offered to watch movies with Steve? He had meant it as an empty gesture. But when he realized Steve took it as more...

"Wait!" Steve almost shouted. He wasn't ready to let Tony leave him. "Do you wanna... I don't know. Go out to dinner? You don't have any food here, and you have to eat some time."

Tony was about to decline, but then he moved his eyes from Steve's feet to his eyes. There was something desperate in them. For the first time since meeting Steve, he thought about what it was like to be him. If Tony didn't go out to dinner with him, Steve would either go sit in a restaurant alone or cook himself something and eat in his one-bedroom apartment. Alone.

"Sure. Why not?" Tony agreed.

They took one of Tony's many cars. They figured that Steve could come back and get his bike later. Tony asked Steve where he wanted to eat, but Steve shrugged. He had only been on the west coast a few weeks and didn't know any place good to eat. Tony ended up taking him to one of his favorite restaurants from when he was growing up. It was casual and the food was delicious. Tony ordered out from there a lot, but he hadn't actually _been_ there in years.

"Dinner for two, ma'am," Steve said to the hostess.

"Booth or table?" She didn't even look at them. She just grabbed two menus and walked through the restaurant.

"Booth," Tony answered. More privacy. Less likely to be recognized. There was a reason he didn't eat in restaurants that often.

"Your waitress will be with you shortly."

Steve looked at the menu. He read it all the way through, trying to decide what to order. Tony stared at him. He already knew what he was going to order. There was something about Steve in that moment that was almost hypnotic.

"What's good?" Steve's voice interrupted his train of thought.

"Um... I really like the pastas here. They're all good. I honestly can't pick a favorite. Take a look at those and whatever tickles your fancy-"

"Ohmygod," a late-twenty-something woman with blonde hair came up to the table. She looked vaguely familiar to Tony, but there were so many twenty-something blondes that it was probably nothing. "You're Steve Rogers. YOU'RE CAPTAIN AMERICA!"

"Yes ma'am, I am."

"Huge fan. Huge fan. I can't believe you're here! It's like fate. And you're here with... Tony Stark?" she spat his name. _Uh-oh_ Tony thought. She _was_ familiar. He couldn't remember when. Before Pepper? After, when he went on a little slutty breakup binge? He and Pepper hadn't been together... that long. Before he could figure it out, he was covered in water.

"I take it we've met before."

"I take it you don't remember me."

"I take it you slept with her?"

"I take it's time for us to leave. See you... Casey," Tony said, reading her name tag. "C'mon Steve, there are plenty of other places to eat in Malibu."

They were in the car and pulling out of parking lot before Steve said anything. "That was strange."

"It's not the first time that's happened. It's really not a big deal," Tony shrugged. But Steve could tell that he was somewhat bothered by it. Steve knew there was more to Tony then a man-whore. Just because he was one, didn't mean that he didn't regret it. "I just had a thought. Since you woke up, have you ever been to McDonalds?"

"That's the one with the yellow M right?" Steve asked.

"Yup."

"Then no."

"Well. Then Captain _America_ must taste one of the greatest things that this country has given the world."

"And what is that?"

Tony grinned devilishly. "The Big Mac." Then he floored it.

**Author's Note:**

**It's been awhile. I'm so sorry. I had this paper and ug I just handed it in and it feels like this huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I won't let that happen again.**


	8. Servicing America

"This is..." Steve couldn't think of words to describe the burger. It looked disgusting and he had been hesitant to put it in his mouth. But after the first bite, he was sold. "Can we go back?"

They had went through the drive thru. Tony was done with face-to-face interaction aside from "Thank you have a nice day". Steve had looked at the burger for a solid two minutes before biting into it. Tony was a reckless driver at the best of times, and they were already five miles past the restaurant. "Sure," Tony said. He pulled an illegal U-turn and sped back to the McDonalds.

"_Hello and welcome to McDonalds. How can I help you?_" The woman asked through the speaker.

"Hi. Yeah. Can I have ten Big Mac meals. All with Coke. And... uh... three coffees. Black."

"_I'm sorry sir, I don't think if I heard you right. Did you say ten Big Mac meals and three coffees?_"

"Yes I did. I got a military man here who could literally eat his weight in food and still be hungry. Now, are you going to argue with me or are you going to accept my nearly hundred dollar order?" Tony demanded.

"_Yes sir._" She spat. She must have thought her mic was off because she muttered something along the lines of "fat asses, how're we supposed to make all of that food?".

Just to add insult to injury, Tony smiled. "And ten apple pies."

Steve was on his fifth burger. Tony had an order of fries and half of a burger that he all but pried out of Steve's hands. "Good lord," Tony said. "I knew you ate a lot, but this is ridiculous!"

"I have never," Steve said between bites, "tasthed ny'thin like thith." He was now talking with his mouth full. "Than you."

Tony smiled. "You're welcome. I actually feel like I've done something for this country."

"Thuddup," Steve spoke around the food.

Tony was en route back to the mansion when he pulled into a Target. On normal circumstances, he would have bought the stuff online. But this was an emergency and he needed them. Now. "Do you want to stay alone in the car and make love to your burgers or do you want to come in?"

"Tony..." Steve blushed. He wasn't as innocent as everyone thought, but that statement was enough to get most people a little uncomfortable. "I'm coming in." Steve shoved the last of the burgers into his mouth in one bite. "Leth go."

Tony went straight to the movie section, ignoring the looks they were getting. It wasn't every day you saw two superheroes walk through the Target. When they got there, Tony grabbed every movie he could that was both good and significant to the movie industry over the past 70 years. Everything from Gone With The Wind to Mean Girls. He got them all on Blu-Ray, then realized he didn't have a Blu-Ray player. He bought one of those too. Actually, he bought two, along with another TV.

"What is all of that for?" Steve asked.

"Well, I'm a busy man. I'm not going to have time to watch _all _of these with you. We're gonna go by the house to get your bike and separate the movies. The ones I want to see again and the ones you're going to watch on your own. Then we're gonna go to your apartment and hook up your new TV and you're going to get started on your homework."

Steve blushed. "Really... that's too much Tony."

"Honestly Steve, I love buying things for people. I have more money than I know what to do with and this is fun. And for a good cause. Remember. I'm servicing America."

Steve couldn't help the smile that spread across his face. When they left Target, Tony's bank account was four thousand dollars smaller. Steve couldn't have been happier.

**Author's Note:**

**I want a Big Mac now. Holy good christ I want a Big Mac now. I've been thinking about Big Mac's all day. That was such an irrelevant author's note. These are getting to the point where they aren't necessary, but I love putting a little of my random musings into the mix. **


	9. A Familiar Kind of Pain

"So if this thing plays movies, and you're such a big fan of movies, how do you not already have one?" Steve asked while Tony hooked up the BluRay player.

"I may or may not have thrown it out the window and into the ocean the first movie night, which was every Saturday, after Pepper and I broke up and we didn't watch a movie together. Never replaced it." Tony stood up, after he plugged the last of the chords into the wall. He then taught Steve how to work the remotes. Steve picked it up surprisingly fast. When Tony commented on it, Steve gave him a look.

"I'm not stupid. I can figure things out, I just need a little help along the way."

There was something about the way Steve was looking into Tony's eyes that made Tony uncomfortable. He had never been looked at like that by anyone. He felt vulnerable, but for some reason, it didn't bother him. He didn't mind being vulnerable in front of Steve, and the thought scared him. He looked away.

"So, um, yeah. Your homework for tonight is simple. _Some Like It Hot_, _Rear Window_, and _The Sound of Music_."

"Three movies?"

"Do you have other plans?" Tony asked, knowing full well the answer.

"No."

"Good. So those are three important one's from the fifties. When you come over tomorrow we're going to watch _Psycho_ because it is the ultimate Hitchcock film and one of my favorites of all time."

"Hitchcock?"

"Right. I keep forgetting you don't know things. There's nothing wrong with it. I don't mind explaining." And he didn't. He never liked teaching. He was always full speed ahead, his focus the future, never the past. But with Steve... it didn't bother him. "Alfred Hitchcock was a director and writer, and one of the most influential people in the movie industry. He specialized in horror movies. _Rear Window_ is his, but it's not scary."

"Is _Psycho_?"

"Nope. I hate horror. That's why I'm only making you watch those two. Now, I'm gonna get out of your hair and you're gonna get to work. Got it chief?"

"Got it."

The corners of Steve's mouth turned up into a smile like expression. Tony could tell that he was fighting back a full scale grin. In response, Tony let his whole face light up in a genuine smile. The smile he saved for important people. Not high up important people, but for the people who were most important to him.

"I still hate you, you know," Tony joked. Steve didn't pick up on his tone.

"You do?" He looked like a kicked puppy.

"No. I was just being an ass." Tony smiled again. Steve couldn't resist and grinned in response. He realized he was staring at Tony's lips. They stayed like that, Tony's eyes locked on Steve's, Steve's locked on Tony's lips. Steve had to fight leaning in and kissing Tony. "Well, I should get going." Tony stood suddenly. "See ya around Cap."

Steve's smile disappeared. Cap was so impersonal. But it's not like they were friends. Not really.

* * *

"What's wrong with me J?" Tony asked as soon as he walked in the door. "Am I dying? I did nice things for a person I'm not sleeping with."

"In my experience, you don't typically do nice things for the people you sleep with, either."

"Shut up. So what's up."

"It seems that you are developing a friendship."

"A real friendship? With Steve?" Tony was not well versed in the friendship department.

"Yes sir, I believe so."

_Shit._

Tony went to his workshop, where he usually ended up when he couldn't figure something out. Science and math were constant, they were problems that always had an answer. No emotion. No maybe.

"Okay J, time for you to take another look." Tony lifted up his shirt and let JARVIS take a scan of the infected scar. "What's the damage?"

"It seems that your habit of ignoring my medical recommendations is still as strong as ever. The lack of attention to the wound has resulted in a deep infection below the surface of your skin."

"Am I gonna die?"

"The chance of death is low at this moment, but if the condition continues to develop-"

"Mute." He had _almost_ died before, he had _actually_ died before. But he always figured it out on his own. He'd handle this later.

He spent the night throwing himself against walls as he worked on a new suit. It was painful, of course, but it was a familiar pain. He had been slamming against walls for years when working on the suit. There was never any long term damage until that night. He landed wrong, heard a crack, and may or may not have seen bone sticking out of his leg before he blacked out from the pain.

**Author's Note:**

**Hi. I hate this chapter. Read and review, but please don't tell me it's shit because I know it is.**


	10. Past Tense

Tony woke up with a start. He felt an emptiness in his chest, with wires coming out of it. This was too familiar. He was confused and scared, so he screamed. He opened his eyes and saw white. Nothing but white. So he wasn't in a cave again. There was a beeping. What was the beeping. He tried to sit up and get out of the bed he was in, but there was resistance. He looked down to see and IV in his arm. He kept screaming.

"Oh God. Where am I? Oh _God!_" he kept screaming. Why was no one coming? "HELP!" he screamed.

His eyes opened slowly. So that had been a dream. Okay. But there was still have emptiness. The wires were still there. There was that IV. But the room wasn't only white, and there was a distinct figure slumped in the chair next to his bed.

"Steve?" Tony asked, groggily.

Steve sat up, his sleep interrupted. "Oh thank _God_ you're awake."

"Yeah. So... what's going on?"

"Three days ago I found you on the ground in your workshop, your leg snapped in half. You shirt was ripped open and the 'nothing' of your scar was torn open and bleeding. I brought you to the hospital. You've been sedated multiple times, been through multiple surgeries, and will have to stay here at least another week."

"Oh _fuck_ no." Tony tried to sit up, but Steve placed one hand on his chest, careful not to touch the wires or the wound, and pushed him back down on the bed, but not before Tony got a look at the gigantic, obscene cast on his leg.

"You have to stay, Tony. That infection... they said you were going to die."

"Nah, JARVIS said I had a few months in me."

"Exactly. You wanted to die in a few months."

"I don't know. Why not? I'm last year's model, Steve." _Steve_, Steve thought. _He called me Steve._ "Fury doesn't need me any more. And hell, even if there is another problem like the one in New York, guess what? There is a fucking God, a hulk, two assassins, and a super solider who can hold their own. I am outdated."

"Tony, you know you saved that city."

"And how many more nukes and I going to be flying into outer space Steve. An isolated incident is not exactly a great argument."

"Tony," Steve whispered. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you doing this to yourself?"

"I once said that I should be alive, unless it was for a reason. I found a reason. But now there are a whole bunch of other people who have the same reason. Now I'd just be fighting to prove something. They... _you_, can more than handle whatever is coming."

"But what about the movies you promised me we were going to watch? The marathons. Alfred Hitchcock. _Psycho_."

"That was all supposed to happen right away. I was cramming it all in before my time was up."

Steve slapped Tony across the face. "You selfish bastard. You think you can come into my life, doing nice things for me, making me feel like I have a fucking _reason_ to be here in this century, all the while you are planning to _die_?"

"You just said fuck."

"Fuckin' fuckiddy fuck fuck! Does that make you happy?!" Steve screamed. "What does it take to make you happy, Tony? Do you find joy in dying?"

"Not particularly, but I honestly wouldn't care if it happened. I wouldn't try to kill myself or anything, but at this point I wouldn't try stop it."

Steve was crying now. Hot, angry tears. He couldn't bare to look at Tony, so he looked at the wall. "I can't believe you."

"Oh Steven. Pepper and I broke up. We fucked the other night, yeah, but it was a booty call. You know what that means? Yeah, because you're not stupid, you just need guidance, right? So she wouldn't give a fuck if I was gone. I wanted to hurt her so she would leave me alone. And who else? Bruce is never gonna see me again anyway since he's back in Calcutta. Obviously Fury never cared. Barton and Romanoff are wherever they are in the world right now. And then there's you. And honestly, why do you even care? We don't even _like_ each other. Those burgers... that TV... that was out of _pity_. Steve Rogers is worthless. Captain America is what the world needs. Trust me, there's a difference. I was behind a mask long enough to know that." Tony didn't believe a word out of his mouth. He was angry and hateful and cruel and he was doing it to hurt Steve. It was working. The other man was staring at the wall, silent tears running down his cheeks. The kind that just fall. More come after each blink. He wanted to push Steve as far away as possible, because Tony was getting out of here, not accepting the treatment for his chest, and waiting to die.

"I loved you Tony."

_What?_ "What?"

Finally, Steve looked at Tony again. "Why do you think I came by your house the other day? To check on you? Yeah, that's a load of shit. I wanted to see you. I hated that I wasn't going to be seeing you everyday. I wanted to try to befriend you. Because I loved you Tony. I _loved_ you."

"I think you mean _love_."

"No. _Loved_. Past tense. Three days ago I found you bloody on the floor half dead. I thought my life was going along with yours. And then you woke up... and you're not the man I thought you were. Do whatever you want, Tony. You're right. We'll be fine without you."

Steve left the room. When he turned the corner he wiped his eyes. He hadn't meant it. There was no past tense to the way he felt about Tony. There would never be a past tense when it came to him. But he couldn't stand to get close to a man who was trying to get himself killed. It was easier this way.

It felt like _he_ had a gaping hole in his chest. But his wound couldn't be fixed with wire and stitching and scar tissue.

_It's easier this way_. He kept repeating it to himself, but the whole in his chest just got bigger.


	11. Seven Reasons

Tony stayed in the hospital. He couldn't figure out why exactly, but he did. He learned how to change the dressing on his wound. He learned to navigate around his crutches. He was taught how to dress and undress with the cast, as well as shower. It was all very hectic. Tony could have figured it out on his own, it wasn't rocket science (which he was actually quite good at, thank you very much) but it was nice to have someone help him along.

_Huh_ he thought _never thought I'd say that_.

When the week was up and they deemed him safe to return home, he didn't have anyone to come pick him up. He called Pepper, but she was still in New York and not answering his calls. Happy was busy, but Tony had a feeling that since he was no longer his driver, he just didn't feel like coming. The only option seemed to be Steve.

He called a cab.

When he got home, he made a beeline for the workshop. He had to take the elevator and, for the second time in his life, he was ever grateful that it had been installed. Dum-E, You, and Butterfingers all greeted him, but he shoved them off. He needed to get to work.

Over the next three days, he was able to saw off the cast and replace it with one that he could use to walk around on. It put no strain on his leg or the break and made it so he could ditch the crutches, so it was a win, win.

After that, he worked to formulate his apology to Steve. His usual thinking habit used to be tapping the arc. Now that was gone. Then, more recently, he had taken to scratching the scar. He was under strict orders not to do that. For some reason, he decided to listen to the doctors. So instead, he picked at his nails until they bled.

"This shouldn't be this hard, J."

"You know what you want to do, sir."

"How do you know."

"Because I'm JARVIS, of course."

Tony smiled. "Yeah you are."

* * *

Steve was more than content to let whoever was knocking on the door stay there. He was sitting on his couch, wallowing in self pity. He had been there for days. He hadn't turned on the TV once, but he had read the back of every DVD Tony had left him at least one hundred times. He wanted so badly to put one on, but he couldn't do it. That would be a reminder. Not that staring at them wasn't, but... it was his was of justifying it.

Eventually the person on the other side of the door resulted in what sounded like throwing their whole body against the door. Steve figured it was time to get it before they broke the door down.

He looked through the peep hole. "Why are you here?" he asked, swinging the door open. Tony almost fell into the apartment, but caught himself.

"Uh... I practiced this. Okay. Uh..."

"Spit it out. I'm busy," Steve lied.

"Oh. I'll just... I'll go."

"You came all the way over here to tell me something so spit it out."

"I wanted to apologize. I wanted to say that I was sorry and stupid. And then I... uh... well... this..." Tony tried to kiss Steve, but he was so much shorter it wasn't happening without the other man's help. Every fiber of Steve's being ached to lean down and kiss Tony. To pull him into his chest and never let go. But he couldn't forget the what Tony said to him. The way he said it to him. He would never, ever forget the way that felt.

"I think it's time for you to go."

"But..." Tony kept looking up at Steve. This wasn't how this was supposed to go. "But I love you."

"Do you Tony? Do you really?"

Tony lifted up his shirt to show the gauze and stitches. "I change the dressing every twelve hours and go every two days for them to do more stretching and sewing. I don't know the exact mechanics of it, but I'm working on it. I really am. I want to stay alive."

"Why?"

"I don't know. Because," Tony reached behind his back. When he brought his hands forward, there was a small box with blue edges. _Psycho_. "I wanted to watch this with you?"

"Was that stuffed down your pants?"

"Maybe," Tony huffed. "Look, I'm trying my best to apologize to you, Steve. I fucked up. I know I did, but I'm really trying to make it up to you."

"Coming over here, trying to kiss me, and providing a movie out of your ass is not what it's going to take for you to make it up to me."

"Than what _is_?" Tony whined. "Whatever it is, I'll do it."

"You have to figure that out for yourself, Tony. When you do, I'll be waiting." Steve slammed the door in Tony's face, then returned to the couch and wallowed in self pity some more.

* * *

Tony had taken the suit and flown to Steve's house, and he had every intention of going home when whatever happened was over. But he hadn't planned to be done that quickly, so he figured he may as well fly around and try to figure everything out.

He flew in lazy circles around California for hours, all the while trying to figure out what he could do to make it up to Steve. His brilliant plan to kiss him and watch the movie had been shot down, so there was no way that was going to work. "JARVIS, any ideas?"

"Well, sir. You said that you were sorry, but you didn't say why."

"Why should that matter?"

"Because if you don't know what you did wrong, you couldn't be sorry, and therefore, would be able to do it again."

Tony turned around and headed back to Malibu.

* * *

There was more knocking on the door. "Go away, Tony!" Steve shouted, not getting off the couch.

"No! This is important. I think I figured it out!"

Steve knew Tony well enough to know that he wasn't going to leave. He groaned and stood. Then opened the door.

"Reason number 1," Tony said, reading off a list in his hand. "I'm a dick and I'm working on it. I'm sorry for that. Reason number 2, I shouldn't have slept with Pepper and then left just to get her to hate me. Reason number 3, I shouldn't have let you eat all of those burgers because, even though they are delicious and you're a super solider, they couldn't have been good for you. Reason number 4, I shouldn't have bought you all of those movies and the TV and the player just to impress you and make you like me. That was dumb. Reason number 5, I'm sorry that I lead you into a friendship even though I had every intention of dying. Reason number 6, I should have told you that the reason I came back the first time that I am hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you but I didn't realize it until I sat down to write this lis-"

That time, Steve didn't fight it. He leaned down and pressed his lips against Tony's. It was soft and perfect and nothing like he thought Tony would kiss. He figured Tony's kisses would be rough and demanding. But no. When Tony pulled away, he looked back down at his list.

"Reason number 7-"

"I don't need any more reasons, Tony. You're forgiven."

"This one is important."

"Okay."

"Reason number 7, I'm a horrible person who you should not want in your life, but if you chose to take me, I would be forever grateful. There are going to be times that you want to throw me off of stuff. Please don't do that. I already have a broken leg. You are going to want throw things are me. Please don't do that. I give myself enough bruises as it is. You're going to want to storm out of me. I give you full permission to do that. I am sorry in advance, should you chose to make it so that there is a future for us."

Steve smiled. "Do you still have the movie on you?"

Tony beamed up and reached behind his back, pulling it out of his pants again. Steve just laughed and led Tony into the apartment and to the couch.

**Author's note:  
We're almost done here. Probably just one more.**


	12. Epilogue

Eventually the Avengers were needed again. Tony and Cap suited up, fought side by side. And when battle ended, they'd grab hands and go home together. They'd make popcorn and watch newer movies, because Tony had already walked Steve through the classics. Steve loved _Psycho_ almost as much as Tony, and they watched it at least once a month.

More nights than not, Tony would fall asleep with his head in Steve's lap, unwilling to get up after the movie. Steve didn't mind. As soon as Tony was asleep, he'd pick him up and bring him to bed. Eventually Tony realized that he was going to end up in his room one way or another, so he figured he and Steve might as well make use of the bed for what it was for. Oh, and they slept in it, too.

Steve cooked dinner almost every night. He would make something healthy and force Tony to eat it. Eventually Tony stopped minding, but he still put up a fuss because he liked the way Steve looked when he was frustrated.

Tony stopped throwing himself against walls. At least, he didn't do it as frequently. His leg healed of course and he was able to be 100% mobile again, something Steve greatly appreciated. He would never get sick of carrying Tony around, but he knew that Tony milked it. Obviously he had made the replacement cast so that he could walk. But Steve was happy to do it.

Tony had never slept with a shirt on and he wan't about to start. Every night before they went to bed, Steve would lean down and kiss the mangled scar in the middle of Tony's chest, and whisper _thank you_.


End file.
